10 Geeky Songs to Sing Your Baby To Sleep To

I know I’ve been spamming my blog with “4 Things To…” and “Top 10 Ways…” and “30 Things I’d Like To..” lists, BUT!

1) I’ve got an unhealthy attachment to lists.

2) Lists help me gather my thoughts.

3) Lists remind me to stop talking. If I didn’t limit myself with “Top 10’s” I just wouldn’t stop typing. Ever.

And see what I there? I even listed my reasons for making lists. I’ve got a real problem, I know.

Anyway, when I was in the hospital with Tessa – just hours after having her – I held this newborn baby creature in my hands, watched her slowly blinking off to sleep and thought, “Quick! Sing her a lullabye! Be all maternal and junk!” And I kid you not, the first thing to pop into my head and pop out of my mouth was, “Link.. he come to town.. come to save the Princess Zelda!”

Now, I’ve since expanded to, ya know, normal songs. Things like, “Oh You Beautiful Doll” and “Dream A Little Dream Of Me” and other sweet songs slightly more in line with conventional parenting bedtime ballads. But I got to thinking. There are SO MANY songs out there that would transition perfectly for the living-with-parents nerd that has become a nerd-turned-parent cooing into a baby bassinet.

Besides. You gotta raise that child right. A baby without nerd cred is just, well, just another kid. That will probably grow up to like sports. *shudder* I kid, I kid!

But anyway, here’s my list of 10 Geeky Songs to Sings Your Baby To Sleep To. Let me know which geeky lullabies you would recommend. ^_^

1. Biblo Baggins by Leonard Nemoy

2. Legend of Zelda by System of a Down

3. Star Wars Song by Chatting Kids Space Camp

4. Momiji Song from Fruits Basket

5. Everybody to the Limit by Strong Bad

6. The Ultimate Showdown by Lemon Demon

7. Ballad of the Noob by Stone Falcon Productions

8. His Cheeseburger from Veggie Tales

9. The Galaxy Song from Monty Python

10. Guten Tag Hop Clop from The Producers

Wordless Wednesday – October 2, 2013

Geeky Sexy Text FAIL

So at first I was far too embarrassed horrified to post this, but after spending half of the day in tears from laughing so hard, I thought I may as well share this with the blogosphere before I explode. (Maybe this is why my husband and mum call me Little Miss Disclosure?)

So today was Tessa’s two week check-up at the doctors. It was a great visit. Her jaundice is now completely gone, she has just passed her birth weight by one ounce (she had gone from her birth weight of 7 pounds 3 ounces, down to 6 pounds 10 ounces in week one, and is now up to 7 pounds 4 ounces in week 2), and she was calm and bright eyed for the whole visit – even during the poking and prodding. The hospital staff kept raving about how relaxed and observant she was. So I left the hospital in a rather chipper mood, content in the knowledge that my baby is the cutest, coolest, chillest, healthiest baby on the planet. EVER.

As I was leaving the hospital, my handsome husband calls to ask if I’d like to meet him for lunch and a coffee date. Well, duh! My husband just this past weekend got leave to move out of the barracks and move in with me. For the first time since his joining the Navy on June 3rd of this year, we are now living together again. BUT, on certain nights when he works late or has to get up particularly early, he’ll be spending the night on the base for convenience sake. Tonight is one of those nights. So a coffee date was an unexpected treat.

We sat for a few hours at a Starbucks, cooing and oohing and ahhing over our gorgeous princess. As the pain of childbirth gets farther away and my stitches start to heal, I keep finding myself ruing the fact that I can’t, shall we say, get jiggy with it. Watching my sexy husband in his NWU’s – holding our precious daughter, brazenly babbling in baby talk to her in the middle of a Starbucks – and already feeling the kindling of desire to make another baby and grow our little family has kind of heightened that resentment.

I always thought the curse of “the pain of childbirth” spoken of in Genesis 3:16 was all bundled up in the single moment of shoving a 7 pound human being out of your hoo-haw. But now the sexual frustrations whilst sporting a vagina that makes me wish for death while pooping gives a whole new meaning to how “your desire will be for your husband” can be a curse.

That said, my brain was feeling inclined to wander to the dark side as we left Starbucks and I dropped my husband off at work.

Now, I’m a geek, through and through. As is my husband. So while driving home, I found my mind drifting over various scenes from The Lord of the Rings. I was thinking about the scene in The Fellowship of the Ring with Gandalf at the Walls of Moria, where the Doors of Durin read, “Speak Friend and Enter”.

Since my ADHD mind was still thinking about all the baby making I’d like to do, I naturally thought the lines from that scene would have made a great sex lead-in joke. So – feeling clever and geek chic – I sent my husband a sext that only a nerd would find both humorous and arousing.

After sending my masterpiece, I sat snickering to myself over my clever naughtiness, anxiously awaiting the response of “Mellon!” followed by an equally nerdy repartee. (I’m sure this speaks volumes for the healthiness of our marriage / sex life.) When my phone finally made it’s little iPhone “you’ve got a text” chirp, I pounced on it to read:

I don’t think I’ve ever been so red in my life. Seriously. I’ve been blushing so hard for so long that I’ve got a frikkin’ RASH on my neck. The gal from Starbucks texted back, knowing I was Jonathan’s wifey because we sat loitering for hours in the store, me sitting across from Jonathan with a drink in my hand with my name on it. Out of all the innocent, random, G-rated texts I send Jonathan, THIS is what I send when Jonathan leaves his phone at Starbucks. Seriously. W.T.F.

When I picked up the phone, there was no mention of my text, but there were a LOT of broad grins and half-heartedly concealed snickers and giggles. Especially when they had to ask the obligatory security question before handing the phone off.

“What is the picture on the home screen?”

“Uhhhh, my husband cosplaying as Thor.”

“*snicker snicker*”

Oy vey. And the worst part is, I don’t even know if the barista even GOT the Lord of the Rings reference, or if she just thinks I’m some awkwardly worded skank that sucks at sexting and likes to play dress up with her husband – who makes a mighty fine Thor if I do say so myself.

Jonathan, of course, thought all this was just hi-larious. Man. That boy OWES ME. Amiright?!

The Noah’s Ark Burger, or the “Abomination Burger”

I’ve blogged before about the unique, nerdy chic gatherings and Friday night shindigs at my friend’s house in Tulare. Belle and Chris Morrow have a knack for hosting the most interesting ,and at times borderline blasphemous parties. And I can’t get enough of them.

The theme for this party, The Noah’s Ark Burger, was dreamed up by my lovely friend Spring. The gimmick? Everyone brought a unique animal meat, which was then ground up in a meat grinder, mixed together, and dished out into individual burger patties. While the imagery of consuming every animal in creation certainly appeals to me, gluttonous carnivore that I am, I prefer calling the them “Abomination Burgers”. While there is nothing abominable and everything awesome with a mixture of a dozen different animals in one bite, the title just rolls off the tongue and intrigues the palate, in my opinion. And it’s just really fun to say.

The grand tally of the ten different animals that went into these burgers? Cow, Chicken, Pig, Turkey, Lamb, Buffalo, Antelope, Kangaroo, Ostrich and Alligator.

And now for the foodie review. Chris did an amazing job pairing a seasoning to the meat that suited the conglomeration of textures and flavors. And the burgers smelled phenomenal while cooking. Even more surprising? They tasted about as good as they smelled. The patties were dense and fairly dry, but they certainly did not lack in unique flavor. Of course there were occasional textural inconsistencies in the patties, but the overall flavor was appetizing and far tastier than any of us anticipated. Chris got a lovely char on these burgers, and everyone proclaimed them a success.  The pile of patties were practically inhaled the second they popped off the grill. The worst part about the burger? The slim likelihood (make that near impossibility) of re-creating this recipe again.

I was going to end this blog with a couple of carnivore, meat eating jokes, but in my quick Google search I found that Vegan jokes are so much more hilarious by virtue of their trying to be funny and just… not being very funny. So I leave you with the making of the Abomination Burger photos and some Vegan “jokes”.

Q: How many carnivores does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. They prefer to stay in the dark about things!

Q: Why do people kill animals? A: Fur convenience steak.

Q: Why did the carnivore cross the road? A: Because a meat store was on the other side, and he had been conditioned by the system of carnism to believe that eating animals is normal, natural and necessary.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get away from the hungry carnivore.

Q: What will meat eaters have to say about us vegans in the next century? A: Nothing, because there will be none of them left.

(For the record, I eat meat and I feel bad for the animals, but I mean… run faster I guess and stop tasting good?)