Phil Coulson Lives (?!) in new Avengers Spin Off TV Show

“Waaaaah waa waaaah, he caaaan’t be dead. We didn’t SEE him die! The cards were in his locker, that’s a clue, Fury is lying, he caaaan’t die!”  < —– That’s how Jonathan has sounded ever since The Avengers midnight release. I, for one, was unconvinced that Agent Coulson lived. It’s been the subject of many a heated marital dispute, along with the details of our zombie apocalypse survival plan and whether having sex with each other in an alternate dimension would technically constitute cheating.

Then ABC dropped the bomb on Sunday that Joss Whedon’s upcoming Avengers spin-off TV series that focuses on the Marvel universe’s superspy operation S.H.I.E.L.D. will be starring a very much not dead, “for realsies” alive Agent Phil Coulson.

And there is no living with Jonathan now.

Joss Whedon is like the emotionally abusive boyfriend that you just keep going back to. You think, “Ohhh, but he’s changed this time. He’s different. He won’t hurt me again.” And then you dive back into the relationship, addicted to the thrill of the ride. Things are going great. Joss showers you with love and affection, then – “Here baby, look what I got you. Oh, you like it?” *SMASHES IT* “Baby, why you gotta make me hurt you?!”

See, I knew Whedon was like this. I anticipated the heartbreak. I prepared myself. I’ve been there before. I don’t care how great it was George, but I put my foot down at Jar Jar Binks. Your Indiana Jones aliens don’t faze me. What we had ended long ago. YOU CAN’T HURT ME ANYMORE!

So I wasn’t really surprised that Coulson was (apparently) killed in The Avengers. I wasn’t expecting any miracles for him to return.

But I had forgotten about the three general patterns of emotionally abusive behavior. Aggressing, denying, then minimizing. “What you talkin’ bout baby? I didn’t kill Buffy / Angel / Phil Coulson. Here, have a brand new series. Yeah, you like that, huh baby?”

Just last week I blogged about Clark Gregg at the Iron Man 3 release at The El Capitan Theater in Hollywood, CA making some cryptic comments about Agent Phil Coulson making a comeback. And now it’s come full circle.

So yes, it’s the comic book universe, and yes, I understand that impossible things can happen. But how do you reconcile the minor issue of, oh, being stabbed through the heart?!?! From what I can glean on the Internet, the answer is being held as bait to reel you into watching the show, as if anyone who has seen any Marvel movie could help themselves from indulging in that crack franchise.

So anyway, the show will air on Tuesdays this fall. So my forays into living with a newborn will be sprinkled with servings of Marvel-y goodness and Whedon shenanigans, which means baby will quickly learn the finer points in the art of television watching early on, like yelling at the TV and artfully expressing yourself to an inanimate object. (“I am a leaf on the wind…” *throws crowbar at the TV*)

Let’s just get one thing straight. I may be going on this date with you Whedon, but it’s not anything serious. This is strictly a friends with benefits deal. So whatcha got for me this time?